The Daily Baxter

I heard a weird story from Grandma Peg.  She says that she broke her toe and her best friend broke her leg last week.

Amanda says that they’re both really unlucky and that she feels bad for them.

I think Amanda is a naive fool and that those 2 old biddies were trying to train for UFC 110. 

I’m onto you Margaret & Margaret.  Leave the cage matches to the professionals.

Apparently people think 17 degrees is cold.  I’ve been trying to get Ryan and Amanda to play outside with me all weekend, but they just keep peering at me from the windows like I’m nuts.

I asked if I could sleep out here and they said no.

Boooo.

Why do I have to be punished just because they’re sissies?

Dear Internets,

I love me some DK.  Ever since I was a pup it’s one of the items I begged for, even demanded from Ryan and Amanda.  This Christmas DK was apparently intended for Amanda, but I pretty much pitched a fit until she agreed to share him with me.

Anyway, my point is that it seems a bit gauche to be seen with an out of season accessory, and I’d really like a Valentine’s Day DK.  He’s fun!  He’s pink!  Superduper!  Whaaa?  He’s $60?? 

I’m not a cheapskate, but this seems like price gouging.  If any of you can find a better deal, or a more seasonally appropriate DK, I promise to be your best friend for life.

Now hop to it.  You know you’re not really doing anything productive.  It’s Friday afternoon!

Hello?

Weekend?  Are you in there? 

My sniffer says you’re really close. 

Please come out and play.

My final outtake exibit is clearly brought to you by angels.

See how I’m floating on an ethereal aura of stark white?  Heavenly, isn’t it?

Of note, apparently the angel version of me resembles a panda bear.  I’m cool with that—just hold the bamboo. It’s not at all filling.

And this?  How does this happen?

Am I doing a Linda Blair/Exorcist head rotation?  Am I that creepy?

I’m not really sure which way is up.

 I get my photo taken alot.  It’s pretty much mandatory to be a blogger.  You all wouldn’t think I was nearly so endearing if I was just writing witty prose—you need to see my furry little mug.

As with all top models, my photos are screened and retouched. We’re all good enough friends now that I thought I’d show you some outtakes.

What’s going on here?  Am I impresonating Lucy the one-eyed shih tzu? Did I decide that Jim Breuer was my new mentor? 

I’ll never tell.

I think one of my dirty little secrets has been revealed.

I love Starbucks. Sometimes when I’m a little bit low on pep I take a make a quick latte run.

This was all well and good until Amanda busted me finishing my drink.  I knew getting it to go was a mistake.  If I’d embibed onsite, not only would I have upped my hipster points, but I wouldn’t have this damning evidence.

Folks, I’ve got a big announcement.  I. Have. Cookies.

Yep, you read that right!  But the best part??  They’re for you!

Dailybaxter.com just hit a milestone and achieved a number of followers that I never expected, and honestly it’s a bit daunting.

All of you want to know what I have to say?  Every day?  Yikes!  Er.  I mean, Thanks!

The only bummer about all this is that virtual cookies aren’t really all that fun…so I’ll be sending one of my readers a fresh batch of Pumpkin Parsley Pastilles.  It didn’t seem fair just to honor the latest follower by default—(after all they just got here!)—so I used a random number generator.

I triple counted (on way more fingers and toes than I have) and Mischa is my spotlight reader!

Mischa, I did a quick search and saw that you’ve got a Ralphie, but feel free to share with any other furry friends in your life.  They’re good.  Montauk and all his pals can vouch for it, too.  Amanda says if you send my your address she’ll make sure to get a package in the mail soon.

Thanks again everybody!  You’re the best!

This past Saturday I had a date.

You all know Emma.  She’s been ‘round this blog before.

Anyhoo, she used to be way faster than me and she’s not anymore and I don’t really understand it but Ryan says any time you’re playing with a girl you have to play by their rules.

Girls are dumb.

I’d totally rather chew on my foot.  It tastes kinda like Fritos.